You send a text and immediately rethink it, wondering if it sounded weird. You make a decision and spend the next hour second-guessing it. You lie in bed, and instead of drifting off, your brain pulls up every conversation from the day for a full review.
Sound familiar? You’re not broken, and you’re not alone. Overthinking is one of the most common things I see in my practice, especially with women juggling careers, relationships, and family, plus a quiet pressure to have it all figured out.
Here’s the thing: overthinking usually isn’t about the thing you’re thinking about. Also, it isn’t actually thinking at all. Underneath the loop of “did I say the right thing?” is anxiety, anticipating every possible problem in a misguided attempt to keep you safe. Anxiety doesn’t know the difference between a real threat and an awkward text.
Why “just stop worrying” doesn’t work
If willpower could fix this, it would have been over a long time ago. Overthinking is a learned pattern that probably felt useful once – maybe it helped you feel prepared or in control as a child. It was a winning strategy then; and now it just isn’t.
What actually helps
- Name the pattern in the moment. Just noticing “I’m doing the thing again” creates a little space between you and the spiral.
- Practice sitting with uncertainty. Overthinking is often an attempt to guarantee a good outcome. Small doses of “I don’t know how this will go” retrain your nervous system over time.
- Get curious about what’s underneath. Often the loop isn’t really about the email, it’s about a deeper fear, like not being enough.
If it’s showing up in your relationship too
A lot of my clients notice overthinking doesn’t stay contained to work – it shows up in relationships too: Overanalyzing a tone. Assuming the worst in a silence. Needing reassurance that’s hard to fully take in, even when it’s given. If that resonates, you’re not “too much”; you’re a person whose anxiety found its way into your closest relationship. It’s common, and it’s very workable, especially in couples therapy where you both come to understand the pattern together.
You don’t have to (and can’t!) think your way out of this
Overthinking convinces you that if you just analyze hard enough, you’ll finally feel okay. But peace doesn’t usually come from more thinking, it comes from a new relationship with your own mind. That’s the work we do together, and it’s absolutely possible to feel different than you do right now.
If this sounds like you, I’d love to talk. Contact me today.
